How To Change Your Life

Guest writer and Friend Tommy Tessandori wrote this really cool page on his blog that I wanted to share with you. It’s called “How To Change Your Life”. I think you’ll get alot of value out of this, especially if you are about ready to take my Salary Step-Up Course. Either way, this amazing article will resonate with you on practical, but deep level.




I want to share with you a way that you can change your life for the positive.

But before I do, I want to make it clear that this isn’t the truth… this is just my perspective and one way that I’ve found to create the life I want to live.

There are several ways to get to a place in life you want to get to… some hard and others less difficult. To cut right to the chase, I have a formula (almost a “blueprint”) that can make having exactly what you want from your lifeinevitable, meaning that you can get set up the conditions so that what you want will happen, no matter what the cost.

It’s not esoteric or some “law of attraction” woo-woo… and it certainly isn’t self-help (as I’ll explain in a minute). It’s not religious nor are there any rules. Rather, over the last 17 years I have studied, dissected and marinaded in amazing books, befriended some very successful folks and have created long-term businesses. I’ve attended a massive amount of seminars and really just invested in myself to gain the understanding that I’m about ready to share with you.

If you want to change the way you live, change “where you are at” in life or just want to really create something of value in the world, read on…

Self-Help Is Masturbation…

Any long lasting change comes from tiny amounts of effort that reap big rewards. “Self-Help” generally tends to have along with it the notion of a goal or an outcome… What you REALLY want to do in your life is CREATE something… more specifically, create the life you want.

On one hand, I’m thankful for self-help and self-improvement books, they made a positive impact on my life – there is no doubt about that. I realized after awhile that self-help books are nothing more than checklists waiting to be created that are sitting on the shelf… What I am sharing with you is REAL LIFE, not some ‘pie in the sky’ or ‘name it and claim it’ promises.

For the purpose of this writing, I’m going to call creating the life you want as “success“… but with my own specific and measurable definition:

When I think about “success’ I am talking about the combination of three levels in a “meta” sense… and by “meta” I mean a holistic or a long, over-view.

Typically, with most folks I meet, it’s RelationshipsMoney and Health. It’s this way for me too, I mean, having the ability to eat good food that nourishes my body so that I can take care of my family, having a relationship and sex with a wonderfully attractive woman and making sure the bills get paid on time and my “bad debt” gets dwindled away are all things that are important to me. What’s also important to me is teaching and sharing what I’ve learned over the last couple decades.

Let me throw some context around these by breaking it down a little bit further…

Relationship can be romantic – the person you want to live your life with, it can be your tribe – the folks you choose surround yourself with, it could be your family – your immediate and extended family, and it might include everyone else, like people from work or acquaintances. I would strongly suggest that if you set out to change these that you work on one particular area at a time, rather than all of them at once.

Money really is only a by-product of value, so a quick mantra to explain this is: You got what you got, you don’t have what you don’t haveIf you want more money in your life, create more value in the world and learn how to “sell” it to others. (for most people, this is selling YOURSELF as the value first and what you really create as a close second).

Health is simply defined as two categories: How you feel and how you look. Of course, the importance of either of these is going to be a personal choice and, to most people, these are equally as important.

To be totally clear -> What I am about to suggest isn’t Goal Setting, because you are dealing with life. Goal setting is great for company projects and to finish recording an album, but goals and life don’t really mix. You never really “arrive” in life: you are where you are and there is little you can do about it. However, before you get bummed out about that, I want to make it clear that it’s entirely possible to CREATE what you want. In other words, rather than having a static outcome that you want to “achieve”, you can really get what you want by simply “being” what you want to create. (I can go more into this in a later post).

Now that you’ve been exposed to some of my personal definitions, ask yourself what is important to you… don’t worry about HOW you are going to get there, that comes later. Ask yourself which of those areas I just defined is the MOST important to you…

Then take an inventory of where you are… Ask yourself: Am I happy with my relationship? If I am, what’s good about it and what can I celebrate? If not, what would I like changed and what will I look for in future relationships?

Are you happy with your health? Do you look the way you want to look or could you do some muscle toning to look better? What about how you feel? Is there any chance that you could eat raw Broccoli for one meal in order to feel more energetic?

What about money? Do you fear where the money is coming for next months rent? Do you have unhealthy habits with money or do you spend your money wisely?

Do this personal exercise in a journal so that you can look back at it and see where you were before… if you have a life worth living, it’s worth documenting… so write it down!

Next, create the idea of how it looks when you get what you want: Do you want to have someone in your life that is a long-term relationship or will a “summer fling” suffice for now? Do you want to be more flexible so that you can really rip-it-up on the yoga mat? Would you sleep better at night if you knew you have $4000 in a Savings account somewhere?

Only YOU know the answer to these and everyone’s answer is always going to be slightly different.

Finally, create the map of how you are going to get there. You don’t start out in downtown San Francisco, put the map on the ground and drive the car over it. That doesn’t make any sense… but that’s what alot of people do. They’ll say something like: If I could just stop smoking I could run further… or someday I’d like to write the next best-selling book but they don’t know how to turn the computer on.

The secret to finding long-term success is: Take tiny steps that are massive action… also keep in mind that success, in any capacity, is an emergent. What this means is that there is no “money fairy” that is going to leave a million dollars under your pillow, no “love pixie” that is going to sprinkle love dust on you and make you attractive and certainly no single diet/exercise plan that is going to give you flat abs and big boobs! Yes, everything takes work, but the tools that I am going to share with you will help you jump light years ahead of simply “putting in long hours”… I’ve invested a TON of time into reading, going to seminars and trying to synthesize ideas down to their core and I want to give you the “cliff notes” of what got me to where I am today.

In fact, EVERYTHING in life is an emergent: Relationships don’t start out bad, you don’t get a credit card with $2000 already on it and you don’t get to be 300 pounds overnight. Life is constantly evolving and changing, and so should you!

The first thing to do is to accept yourself… no matter where you are at. And trust me, this is one of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve ever had…

Take responsibility for what you’ve done, both good and bad. Reward yourself for hard work and learn from your past mistakes. Sometimes you need to grit your teeth and say I am responsible for things… when you do this, and really mean it, is when the power really starts. Take responsibility and you’ll see things REALLY change in your life.

In my next post I’m going to show you how carefully constructed, small changes quickly add up to help you get to where you want to go!

Here’s a quick re-cap and some homework for you to write about…

Some things to do NOW:

1. Ask yourself what is important to you. Be as honest and clear as you can… and go layers deep if you need to. For example: “I want to write a book” is an open ended statement that has no bearing whatsoever. However, “I want to write a book about how I lost 50 pounds in time for my wedding and I want to have it done by September 23rd of next year” is a much more compelling reason to write the book. Again, don’t worry about the HOW, just the WHAT for the moment.

2. Take an inventory of where you are and what you’d like to change. It’s important that this is the second step because if you do this BEFORE you meditate on what’s important to you, your mind will start to trick itself. Please make sure to take an inventory of your current state in life only after you’ve been honest and clear with yourself about what you want. This inventory is going to determine what you are going to work on first and what conditions you can setup in order to get this. Maybe it’s relationships that are most important, once you’ve determined this simple step, write it down. Go Deep… about five layers deep of WHY this is important. This will give you even more clarity about where you are at and how you got there.

3. Take personal responsibility for where you are at – once you do that, it frees you up to move on. Trust me, this was the hardest thing for me to do. I blamed myself for years that my family broke up because of me and it simply wasn’t true. When I took responsibility for it, this allowed me to gain a clearer perspective and really “be” the person who could pick up the pieces, put them back together and make something GREATER!

4. Construct tiny changes that will allow you to move towards what you want… The tools for this are coming in another posting.